Hope and Disappointment

“And hope does not disappoint us…” Romans 5:5

The Lord is calling me out on my fear.

If you’ve followed my blogs, you might remember what God said to me in January at Project Searchlight.

He said ‘CGA, Uganda’ and I didn’t understand the link or how both made sense, but I came to CGA.

However, I was sheepish about Uganda.

I know He said CGA. I know it was right because I’m here… but Uganda? I told the Lord that it was way too good to be true.

I was bold enough to speak about it, that He said it, and bold enough to tell the folks at Adventures In Missions that I felt called to go there.

But in my heart of hearts, I doubted and I feared.

Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t do it. If it doesn’t happen, you’ll be so disappointed, Helena.

That wasn’t logic. That was fear.

You think it’s logic. It’s masked as logic. It’s common sense, right? Don’t hope for something because it is so very disappointing when it doesn’t go that way. Hope is so disappointing, right?

NO!

Hope in God’s voice?
Hope in what God said?
Hope in God?
Hope in the things of God?
God never disappoints us.
Not ever.

Does he bring me my every whim? No.
He’s a good Father.

But God doesn’t go back on His word.
God never ever goes back on His word.

When I was little, I threw some really great tantrums.
My mom figured out how to prevent them: never tell Helena that we’re going to the theater until we are out the door. Why? Because Lord forbid, she’d say “Helena we’re going” and then we don’t go?
I still remember crying and screaming “But you promised! You promised! You said we’d go!”

It was better to avoid that.
It was better for me not to know, so that I never got my hopes up, just in case.

My God, however, my Perfect Father, does not disappoint me. Ever.

The tantrum-throwing child I was demanded justice and faithfulness. I would get so darn excited, and then get so disappointed. Of course, it wasn’t my mom’s fault! Things happened, the rain would pour, the schedule would shift, and as a child I couldn’t understand that.

But why, as an adult, did I expect God to go back on His word?
Why did I question whether I heard it right?
Why was I so afraid to hope?

Isn’t hope the thing that carries us?
The thing that fuels our patience?
The thing that blazes the path for joy in suffering?
Isn’t hope the sidekick of faith?
The envisioning, the yearning, the deposit?

Even though I was so afraid to hope, God was still faithful.

I’m going to Uganda for 4 weeks this summer!
I’m leading an Ambassador trip for youth!

God came through.
He always does.

You see, when I was waiting for Uganda, I wasn’t putting my hope in Uganda. I was hoping in God, who said He would send me there. I had an opportunity to hope in the Lord.

Jesus is asking me to be brave. To dare to hope. To hope in Him, to trust His word, to love His will.

I don’t want to sidestep hope. I don’t want to plug my ears and pretend that things just fall on my lap at the last minute. They don’t! I already knew! He already told me. And why would Jesus tell me?

So I could have hope. 🙂

Is hope logical? No.
Is there risk? Oh yes.
Is there vulnerability? Yes.
Is there a big chance for disappointment? Yep.

But hope that is seen is no hope at all.

Sometimes the bravest thing to do while waiting is to hope.

I want to be the bravest vessel of God’s love.
I want to experience the joy of hope.
I want to trust fully in the One who never fails,
even while the promise is still on its way.

“There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23:18