I Feel Better

My words. I'm learning that my words have so much power.

I speak, even jokingly sometimes, and it's no longer a surprise when I see it come to be.

God and I are in tune. My will tangled with His.

I've been having a lot of amazing conversations with my sisters in Christ.

Conversations that start in tears, in raw confession of sin, in unfiltered venting of struggle. War. My wounded soldier friends. Their resolve loosened by the arrows of the enemy. We are fed lies about our deepest insecurities, and we turn to each other and to God. We pray like desperate children. We cry out.

"Me too! I feel that also!" I find myself saying, confessing. I feel lonely, yes I feel isolated, yes I feel discouraged and bloated and awkward, and yearning for my companion yet knowing I can't have him yet. I mourn soulties. I lament my disappointments. I don't have my family fully on board either, I know how you feel. Yes, I feel impatient. I doubt the provision of God, despite its display in my very breath.

But then we turn, sharply. Our conversation does not despair. We say "we will get through this" and we push. Pushed onward, I speak life into my friends. We count our blessings. We say "well if He brought this and He has given us this much, He is in motion, He will continue. He will finish the work He has started." and we move forward. We praise Him. This is the part of the conversation that sounds like 2 Christian people talking. Before, it sounded like 2 whiny women, crying about their periods. Now it sounds like we are strong, all of a sudden. We are battle-ready warriors. We stand up and we recognize our role, our identity.
 

Royalty. Free. Healed.

Powerful. Chosen. Holy.

Clothed with strength and dignity.

Laughing at the days to come.

Then I hear those words that are the icing on the cake: 

"I feel better now after talking to you."

Oh the relief, the flood of gratitude in my soul.
That means so much to me.
That my words helped, that my words did some healing, strengthening, encouraging.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. " – Ephesians 4:29

I feel better, too. I feel much better.