Sorry I’m Not Sorry

God calls us to love our enemies and forgive people even when they’re not sorry.
I wrestle with this in my spirit, because it doesn’t make a lot of sense in my brain.
God doesn’t require us to understand everything, and there is so much that I can’t quite grasp. I don’t always know how to answer the skeptics when they drill me on philosophy. God extends His love, grace, and forgiveness to all of us, but we must accept them.

So here’s my pickle:
We know and love Jesus, and we turn away from sin, but in our heart of hearts, the desires that war in our souls don’t vanish. We are made perfect because of Christ’s righteousness, but we still dwell in this body of death.

this is the closest to a zombie picture of myself that I have available at the moment… so here's me, in my body of death.

Paul writes some of the most confusing, yet perfectly worded verses in Romans 7:15-25

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I hear you, man. This law of sin business is confusing and frustrating.

The desires are still there. The temptations are still there.
And there is a part inside that is unrepentant, a part that looks back and still laughs it all off, or a part that still wants to keep doing evil.

As believers, sin should grieve us. What happens if it doesn’t? What if we’re forgiven but we’re not sorry?
I hear the blanket statement about “not regretting anything because it got me where I am today” and I cannot agree with this. God redeems and brings us to where we are today. He could have done it a billion different ways (had there not been sin), because He is God. We shouldn’t, however, cherish our sins as some kind of “learning experience.” Sin is sin. It’s messy and gross and costly. We should be sorry.

That’s where I struggle, because sometimes I am not sorry.

I mix up good memories with bad memories, and my sin nature distorts my sin into some kind of funny story. I categorize sin, as “bad” or “sort of bad” or “really bad” or “kind of funny but still bad” and that’s not okay. God does not want me to laugh or be nonchalant about the times when I grieved His heart. That might be a sin itself. Oh what a tangled web we weave!

So here I am: forgiven and sorry I’m not sorry.
It’s a daily reminder for me to keep walking in faith, pursuing the Spirit, delighting in God, praying for more and more of His perspective. Unfortunately, we are all stuck in our bodies of death, and God knows that.

The enemy loves it when we become aware of our unrepentant issues, because he likes to make us doubt God’s love. The same way that God asks me to forgive somebody even if they’re not sorry, I am also forgiven… yeah… here it comes: I’m also forgiven when I’m not sorry.

The reason I’m forgiven has nothing to do with me being sorry.

I’m forgiven because Jesus was beaten, whipped, and taunted. They put a crown of thorns on Him. He carried that huge, heavy cross all the way up. He was nailed to it, and He held on as long as He needed to, in order to atone for all the sins of the world.

Jesus was the Son of God, the Word incarnate, God in flesh. He chose to die for my sins.
I know this. I believe this. I confess this with my mouth and I believe it in my heart.

I’m forgiven because He’s my Savior.
He said it was finished, so fortunately there’s nothing else I need to add to this equation. That’s how God is able to extend grace everybody, and that’s why I’m commanded to pray for my enemies. I owe nothing, and nothing I do can take away from this sacrifice. Uncomfortable stuff, right?

We have an urge to add to the cross, but we really can’t. We’re even forgiven when we’re not sorry. We’re just plain forgiven. I don’t understand that, and it feels weird, but there it is.

I sometimes envision myself walking down the aisle to the “right guy” and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, wishing I could take back everything I’ve ever done wrong and take back every part of my heart I ever gave away to anybody else.

That’s the gut-wrenching remorse I want to have for my sins, as I present myself as a spotless bride—to God.

It’s easier for me to grasp repentance in the physical realm, in the context of a wedding, than in the spiritual realm of approaching God.

I’m still a work in progress,
but God doesn’t abandon the works of His hands.
God has a rescue planned for me, to get me out of this body of death.
He knows what’s up. I just have to trust Him, and trust Him I do.