You may have noticed something if you’re a careful follower of mine… yes, there has been a great disparity between how much I used to blog and how much I blog now.
Allow me to explain!
- I no longer have constant internet in Nepal. We take a bus to get to an internet café.
- I’m 7 weeks away from being home, and well… I hate to say it, but I won’t be blogging on here anymore… I’m trying to get a feel for how I will transition back into my personal blog, no offense. So I’ll be writing about things aside from the world race, so you could say my thoughts may already be prematurely in transition.
- God has been doing a LOT in my life. An overwhelming amount. And it makes it hard to summarize or do it justice. I could just list out what I’m doing here, and what ministry looks like, but that’s so shallow. I don’t like shallow. I don’t need to waste your time with shallow. Here’s shallow: I’m in Kothe, Nepal, we hike to go visit believers and encourage them. It’s really beautiful here, lots of mountains and a rushing river. It’s spiritually dark, so please pray for us to get good sleep, as my team hasn’t been sleeping that well. —That’s not a blog, that’s a status update. I’m not going to post a blog just so you know I’m alive. That’s not how I approach this blog. Add me on facebook or follow me on Twitter (@heyheyhelena) for travel days/arrival/survival/brief kinds of updates. You should follow me on Twitter regardless, though 😉
- I’m in a waiting season. Not exactly sure why waiting makes me be quiet, but waiting makes me a little quieter than the usual. I’m holding my breath, praying and waiting on God to open up the door into my next season.
So, for those 4 reasons, you’ve probably noticed the lack of blogging on my part. Throw in travel days and just the great sigh of relief to be out of Africa for now, and back into Asia… and then realizing that there’s just no place like home… and then realizing that I need not set high expectations of what “home” will feel like, because it’s no comparison to my heavenly home, and letting God tend to my irreparable heavenly homesickness and and and and see what mean?
And then throw in that I’m most likely (see, I have to wait on this stuff) moving and my “home” will change, and I am getting so excited about seeing my family that I could cry… but I won’t cry now, because I have to focus on the task-at-hand, but then I take it to the Lord and He says “it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to process” so I find myself in quite the pickle here, because…
I am free.
Completely free.
Free to write. Free to not write. Free to move to anywhere. Free to think about tomorrow. Free to think about today. Free to think about both today and tomorrow, whenever I want to. Free to dream. Free to not dream. Free to have feelings for somebody. Free to doodle about my future ministry. Free to laugh. Free to cry. Free to feel different emotions. Free to transition from world race crazy to a familiar-yet-no-longer-the-same crazy.
I am free.
My Father has purchased for me a very expensive freedom, worth more than an arm and a leg… it’s worth a whole body and every drop of the most precious blood. It’d be a great shame for me to waste it, especially during such an important time in my life. This freedom, hand-in-hand with the gift of the Holy Spirit, is my assurance that there is no place I can go, and nothing I can do to be away from my Father. We’re stuck. He’s in me, I’m in Him, we’re one thing. I abide, He abides, I remain, He remains. I’m insured. He’s not my puppeteer, but my Counselor. He fills me with discernment and cushions me with grace. I can’t go wrong in this scenario, and that freedom is INCREDIBLE! No, seriously, it’s hard to believe it. I’d be much more comfortable with a God who says “do this and this and now do that” and spoke a to-do list in my ear on the daily, with blessings and curses for my obedience or disobedience.
Sounds familiar, huh?
But that’s no longer how He operates. With sin, of course, there is right and wrong, blessings, consequences. But with life choices?
He gives clarity, He gives wisdom, He gives the Holy Spirit.
He commands me to accept His love and love, and then He says “be free, my beautiful daughter!”
He also says He cares about every little thing, and that my desires and my creativity and my dreams MATTER!
What a good Father :]
He wants me to do what I love for His glory, because He created me to love, for His glory. He doesn’t care about worldly power, comfort, success, or recognition from the secular standpoint (Luke 6:20-26). He cares more about how I love Him than what I do, because what I do will reflect my love for Him anyway.
That’s a GOOD Father.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around all this freedom and love, as I gear up and prepare to walk through another one of God’s open doors. Please be in prayer for me. The Holy Spirit is still teaching me more about prayer, so if you have any prayer requests, send them to me!
Bear with me as I process and wait.
I love you all with a great love.
Thank you for sharing where you’re at Helena. I know we don’t know each other, but my wife and I are on F Squad and we’re in Malaysia coming towards the end of month 4. I haven’t been on the WR home page or read any blogs in a long while, but I saw yours pop up, and thought I’d give it a read. We do indeed have such a loving Abba Father! I actually just had this spoken over me this morning, that I should run and jump up into His arms as His beloved son. I can also relate to the desire to sometimes operate like a robot and not make mistakes. But we must remember that God is not shocked, surprised, or disappointed when we make mistakes, He expects it. As when a potter takes clay from the riverside, pokes and prods the clay, and finds a stone or a leaf, he simply removes them and continues molding and shaping the clay. Jeremiah 18:1-2. Today I was also asked 2 questions, and I pose them to you as well. 1) In this journey of life what is God like to me? 2) How does He feel about me?
I would love for you to ask our Abba Father for a greater awareness of His presence in every place, that I would walk in the authority that I have received in Christ and in the power of The Holy Spirit, and that I would run to The Lord and spend time with Him often in order to learn how I hear His voice when I listen for it, and that I would speak out the prophetic words that I receive for others in boldness and not fearing messing up 😉 and that He would give my wife and I clear direction and His dream for our future.
Thanks again for walking in prayer on our behalf! May The Holy Spirit teach you what your heart desires to know about our Great God!
Micah 7:7 “But as for me, I will look to The Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.”
Grace and Peace
Wow! Loving you and praying with and for you.
On a personal level: Michael is loving his teaching job at Saint Jo; Whitesboro ISD is keeping me very busy subbing, but I would really like a part-time permanent job with benefits (prayer request here according to God’s will); Mike is still working in Bonham and going to Dr.Tuck for his back (please pray that he will find a job closer to home that doesn’t require him to use his back as much, and healing for his back – again, according to the Lord’s will.)
The verse the preacher chose for Sunday made me think of you: Psalms 126:5 & 6 “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.”
Love you.
Rhayma
First, I love this! You are in a good healthy place. Second, make sure I get the link to your personal blog. Third, please pray for the ladies I work with. A door has been opened and the enemy has had full access and chaos has ensued. It’s been crazy and lives are on the line. Thanks so much!
I can not wait to see you!
First, I love this! You are in a good healthy place. Second, make sure I get the link to your personal blog. Third, please pray for the ladies I work with. A door has been opened and the enemy has had full access and chaos has ensued. It’s been crazy and lives are on the line. Thanks so much!
I can not wait to see you!
I love hearing that you are free and that you are pursuing God as you are, Helena. Thanks for living the last year as you have.
Helena,
I still remember my most fervent prayer to the Lord: that, come what may, I might always feel His presence in my life!!! I was only thirteen, but you know what? He has been sooo faithful to fulfill that desire of my heart!!! Oh, and I, too, long for being HOME: HEAVEN!!! Yes, darling, we do have a GOOD, WONDERFUL FATHER, who never leaves nor forsakes us… Blessed be the name of the Lord! I pray with you, for you, and it brings me joy to know that you are His and He is yours.Having Him is being already HOME, no matter where we may be… All my LOVE, Mamae