FEARS
I feel like an ecstatic child, who just got told "we're going to the pool!"
I scurry up the ladder to the diving board and all of a sudden… panic.
Daddy says "Jump! Just jump! I got you!"
But I reason "Then what?! What if I bellyflop? What if I hit my head? What if I lose my bathing suit in the dive?"
Daddy says "Jump! Don't worry about any of that! You're gonna be okay! I'll catch you!"
And I find myself clinging to the board like this pathetic little child in the picture.
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Am I questioning my calling? No way
Am I going on this trip? Absolutely
I'm gonna get home and pack my two backpacks, and I'm getting in that airplane.
Am I terrified of the jump? No
It's the landing & the aftermath
Where do I go afterwards? America? Brazil? Some random other country?
What am I gonna do? Am I going to be an old maid? Am I going to get even weirder?
Am gonna turn around and go right back on the mission field? Who will I be? What will I do?
Wow, right?
I am one clingy girl. Clinging is what I do. I found myself clinging to my "diving board." My false safety. My sense of control. My worrying about tomorrow. And what's the point of that, when I'm not in charge?
Daddy says jump. He's got me. He's gotten me this far. He'll catch me. He is Sovereign!
He's called me to be unrestrained in zeal and intensity. To be furiously active and determined. Not to be about my fears, but to be…
FIERCE
I'm learning that it's okay to be clingy.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. -Psalm 63:8
I'm learning it's okay to hide.
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
-Psalm 32:7
I'm learning that situations turn around.
You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. -Psalm 18:28
I'm learning that my fears are dispersed when I seek His face.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. -Psalm 34:4
When I was broken, I lived out Psalm 116. I was anguished, and Daddy had compassion on me. He heard my cry, and He is so good to me. He hears my voice. And how can I forget that?
When it seems like I'm overcome by worries and fears, I need to remember to take heart.
Christ overcame the world!
Then I get this burst of courage. Seek His Kingdom!!! Seek His face!!!
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
-Matthew 6:33
Daddy, I have no idea what you have for me after the race…
But I trust You fiercely!
Sooo good! I choose to be fierce too and will get my poetry book published and get to Ireland (where you end up going? 😉 hahaha kidding). Oh and yes you will become more weird or weirder, but it’s okay…it’s the latest rage! 😀
Where do I go afterwards? Where God leads.
What am I gonna do? What God wants you to do.
Am I going to be an old maid? Probably not, because God knows the desires of your heart; but even if you don’t marry, you won’t be an old maid – just a child of the King.
Am I going to get even weirder? I don’t think you can – just kidding. :>)
Love your blog, as usual.
Rhayma
I completely feel you girl! I am more worried about afterwards than anything else, but He already knows exactly what will happen…He will show us when it is time! Beautiful blog!
And we don’t have to worry about what we may do today or tomorrow!! The Lord promises to take care of us. I love you and am so proud of you. All we need to think about is His Kingdom (it is soooo easy to forget).