I better check myself before I wreck myself! (Psalm 27)

it's time for a REALITY CHECK

(courtesy of Psalm 27)

Psalm 27
Of David.
 

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?  
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid? What am I afraid of? Is the Lord not the stronghold of my life? Why do I worry about how I'm perceived, or if I'll end up an old maid, or if I'll be the oldest mom in the stands? Why does stupid stuff like that get to me?!! The LORD is the stronghold of my life. I need to rebuke those dumb insecurities. Trust in God's plan for me.
² When evil men advance against me
   to devour my flesh,^a]
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
   they will stumble and fall. Half the time I believe that I will stumble and fall. I need to stand convinced that I will win. I need a "oh yeah? well bring it on!" mindset.
³ Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then will I be confident.  God, help me be this courageous. I have such a fearful heart sometimes, about the silliest of things. Please toughen me up before You send me on this mission trip. You've already made me a pretty tough cookie, walking me through so much hardship, but am I war-ready?

 ⁴ One thing I ask of the LORD,
   this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
   all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
   and to seek him in his temple. It was this verse that convicted me most of all. You know my heart, and You know the one thing the ONE THING I have been asking for, for a long time. And it wasn't that I can dwell in Your house, was it. To gaze upon YOUR beauty. My double-minded heart is convicted. Here I am, embarking on a mission trip, putting all my "life" aside and yet still being an idolater in my prayers. Let me lay it aside. Forgive my unbelief. Let me love You the most. Let me yearn for You the most. Let my day be filled with joy everytime I realize You are with me. I have You. I want to dwell in Your house all the days of my life. Not just heaven. Father, help me get my priorities straight. Thank You for the reminder of why You created me.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
   and set me high upon a rock. Ah ha… isn't this the truth. Every single day of trouble in my life, YOU were the one who kept me safe. You were my refuge. God, how can I forget? You rescue me. You hide me and comfort me. And You give me a high position. You remind me of how important I am to You. I'm Your precious daughter. You lift me up.
⁶ Then my head will be exalted
   above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and make music to the LORD. I will not sacrifice begrudgingly. I will not sacrifice out of poor motives. When I lay my life down for Your Kingdom, when I pick up my cross, when I set aside my timelines, God help me not to look back. To not sway. There is nothing to miss, You are my abundance. When I face hardships, when I can't have Starbucks (no seriously, this was a concern for me, I am that silly sometimes) let me keep in mind the joy You bring me, the comfort You provide.

 ⁷ Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
   be merciful to me and answer me. Yes, Lord. I'll be crying out an awful lot. I'm going to be pretty clingy. Let me start now, while I am still in a familiar place, to fiercely cling to You.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his^b] face!”
   Your face, LORD, I will seek. Again, my heart has been seeking another face. But God, You forgive. I am sorry. Your face, Your face, Your face. I am committed to You. I will seek Your face. My heart says "Seek His face!"
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
   do not turn your servant away in anger;
   you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
   O God my Savior. You have been my helper, God. Father, I am so grateful that You do not hide Your face from me. That Your anger with me is no more. That You do not ever reject me. Father, You are the one who does not reject me. My heart can trust You. You made my heart to trust You.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will receive me. Father, I pray for them. I did not let words of fear stop me. Your calling, Your mission for me is more important than the approval of my family. I pray You reveal Yourself fully to them, and the reasons why You called me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors. God, I thank You for this reality check. I thank You that You teach me and tell me where I'm going wrong, especially in Your word. I have so many oppressors, and Father, You always surround me with encouragement. My prayer is to be led in a straight path, for Your glory, that I may seek Your face. You are so faithful to keep me.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   breathing out violence. I ask for protection, God. I ask everyone to pray for my safety, and I, myself, do not ask for it nearly enough. Father, keep me safe! Keep my team safe, keep my squad safe, keep my brothers and sisters who are vulnerable and persecuted…. keep them protected.

 ¹³ I am still confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living. Am I still confident? Sometimes I'm not confident. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking that it's not coming anytime soon. That the world will keep deteriorating and I will not see the goodness. Those are lies. God is raising up a generation of warriors to bring His Kingdom to earth. I'm one of them. I will witness the goodness of the Lord. I have already witnessed it in my own life, and I will witness it in the Kingdom. God, let me be more confident.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD. Patience. Patience. Lord, You know I need more patience. I know You are nodding right now. Help me to take heart. Help me to be patient in these next 2 months before launch. Help me to see things the way You see them. Give me Your eyes and a bigger picture. And if I'm not meant to see what's going on, let me trust You blindly. Give me strength.