LOGIENE is the hybrid term for low hygiene
It is the bare-minimum maintenance of cleanliness,
due to limited resources, motivation, or required effort.
After training camp, I feel my newfound expertise in logiene is worthy to be shared.
Hills on which to die
Deodorant
Your armpits are like temperature indicators on a turkey. We all know your shower is due when your pits start to reek. Please please apply deodorant multiple times a day.
When to apply:
1) if you have a pit stain: you’re due for more deodorant.
2) it’s a bright new day: put on more deodorant.
3) before you do any exercising, hiking, standing next to people (especially me): put it on. Roll it on, spray it on, dab it on, wipe it on, whatever you do, get it on yourself.
4) after you sweat AT ALL, trust me: put some more on.
Note: If you’re an organic “in tune with nature” person, please make sure that your deodorant WORKS. I’d much rather stand next to an Axe factory than somebody who smells like minty onions. You don’t want to be “that brother” or “that sister” with the stanky BO. Logiene is key. Nogiene is not acceptable. Put. On. Deodorant.
Dry Shampoo
Thank You Lord Jesus for this remarkable thing that is dry shampoo. Girls, if your hair is caked on with grease, it’ll save you. Bring it. I haven’t tried baby powder, supposedly it helps also. I will experiment with this and report my data. In my own personal experience, dry shampoo also gives you a fun volume booster, for that 80’s camp hair look we all desire.
When to apply:
1) upon waking up on that 3rd or 4th day and your oily roots have gone beyond social acceptance.
2) if your hair is just stinky. Just plain stinky.
3) when you have misplaced your bandana.
Bandanas
Unlike bananas, bandanas never get old. You can twist them into thuggish styles. You can wear them like a cleaning lady. You can wear them like a fun do-rag. You can wear them like Rambo. You can tie them sideways. You can tie them on your ponytail like the 50’s. You can invent a brand-new way to wear your bandana, name it after yourself, and become incredibly famous.
When to wear:
1) just for fun.
2) to protect your identity.
3) to cover up your horrible terrible nasty hair.
4) to look hardcore.
5) for warmth when it’s cold.
6) when you’ve run out of dry shampoo.
7) anytime, just so you don’t lose it.
Layers of Clothing
Consider a super stinky onion, whose fumes alone make a grown man cry. What did God do? He put lots of layers on the onion, so you can barely smell it. Do the same with yourself. Layereth thee. Smothereth thy toxic musk. This option works best in colder climates, say freezing Georgia nights.
When to wear:
1) obviously when it’s cold.
2) when it’s so bad that you just have to.
3) to look “cute.”
4) to avoid laundry by rotating the order of the layers.
Note: when rotating layers, never bring the inside layer all the way out. That is by far the smelliest layer, and it would completely defeat the purpose. It’s best to rotate 1 with 2, 3 with 4, etc. Keep the inside layers on the inside, the outside on the outside.
Wipes
If you’re afforded the luxury, get wipes. A wipe shower is better than no shower. Logiene is serious business. You need to take care of your business.
When to apply:
1) you just know.
2) when you know others know.
3) if you think you are developing a disease.
Tips and the Obvious
Dihydrogen Monoxide
If you smell bad enough and you have the opportunity, you take it! If it’s rain coming down from the sky, you use it. Water hose, river, lake… use it. Just be mindful of parasites. I need not tell you when to apply this.
Fo Breezy
Ghetto laundry 101. Febreeze it. Spray it down, hang it in your tent. If you have the luxury of having any febreeze or similar spray, go wild.
Where there’s smoke, I can’t smell you
In my personal opinion, it is better to smell like a campfire than just plain stink. Get near the smoke, and at least your hair and clothes will smell like campfire. It’s a good last resort.
Sock Attack
When packing, separate the stinky clothes from the not as stinky clothes. It makes a world of difference whether or not your shirts smell like your used socks.
Give us Clean Sporks
GermX. Lotion. Wipes. You gotta keep your hands clean. You will probably be eating with nature’s sporks. At least keep your eating hand clean. I mean it. It’s the Biblical thing to do.
World Race family, it is my hope and prayer you practice good logiene.
“Confident of your obedience, I write to you,
knowing that you will do even more than I ask.”
Philemon v.21
