THE LAST ONE

“I’m here to impart the truth of the gospel, God’s hope of rescue in the darkest places. How His hand reaches the furthest spaces and His joy puts smiles on grief-stricken faces. I can tell you of His warm embraces, of scars He erases, and new paths He traces. I know it in my bones, my dry bones which He daily raises.”
      -Excerpt from my spoken word at month 4 Debrief

I can’t summarize in one blog all I have learned this year. I made the compilation of funny/wild moments, and yet the sobering truth is that this trip changed my life in a very serious way.

I came with all my preconceived notions of God and Jesus and my 65-liter big pack and my 23-liter small pack. I brought my Bible that I’ve had since my 18^th birthday, with my name engraved on it.

Being a ‘missionary’ seemed like too hefty of a title, so I usually thought of myself as a servant, just doing my duty, being His hands and feet.

I encountered a VERY REAL GOD when I left home, even if it was just an initial “wow these people in this church in this country really believe in Him too” and an acknowledgement that there were so many different people who are Christian, people who did things differently yet all are part of THE Church. God desires unity, and He showed me with this 'world tour' that He is very pleased with our differences, if only we would accept them and come together in love to see His Kingdom come.

My exposure to God’s greatness didn’t stop there. I saw the book of Acts come alive before my eyes. God spoke and I had visions and dreams, and people had visions and dreams, and there was prophecy, prophets/prophetesses, tongues, healings, casting out of demons, and crazy crazy joy. Can’t really explain any of that other than say “I SAW IT WITH MY OWN BLUE EYES” and move on from there. If you don’t believe me, quit your job and go see it for yourself. It's literally out there and available. Everything in Acts is still happening. The Holy Spirit is just as alive as Jesus, and HE is HERE.

God began stirring in my heart in May about going into full-time women’s ministry. In September, I applied to Bethel Seminary in San Diego, and just this week I found out that I am accepted. Masters in Marital and Family Therapy, here I come.

I desire to experience my relationship with God with a consistent, raw faith. A faith of someone who has seen miracles. A faith of someone whose prayers have been answered. My faith depends only on the faithfulness of God. It’s a conviction based on truth, not on my location or circumstance.
My faith shouldn’t waver when trials come, and neither should my love for Him. Love bears all things.

This trip changed the course of my life, because God used it so.

I desire God’s will. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t delight in giving me those desires of my heart. He is a good Father! I just don’t want to base my life on my own comfortable, temporary, short-sighted, people-pleasing, possibly misunderstood ideas of what I want for myself. God knows what will make me truly and abundantly happy, and to trust the Sovereign God is just pure common sense, as He does not fail.

The most important thing I have learned is to cling to the truth and to cling to what is good.

During the trip, I was painfully aware of the things that I hold on to(mostly because I had to pack and carry them so often). I had to have a death grip on certain things that are good, in order to keep them through 11 months of constant traveling away from home. I had a death grip on my family, making the long calls on Bobsled and Skype whenever I had good internet. If you got to hear my voice at all during my trip, just know that it was no easy feat!  I had a death grip on my friendships back home. I did my very best to stay in touch with my friends and let them know that I still love them so much, regardless of distance. I had a death grip on my Bible. I had a death grip on my phone which had my music. I had a death grip on my good pens and my laptop, going through 4 journals and writing an embarrassingly high number of blogs. I also hoarded nutella and toilet paper. I learned what was good. I learned what was important.

I also had to confront all I believed that wasn’t true. I had to reject all those lies in my life and cling to the truth. I don’t have to have a cookie-cutter life. I am not stupid, shallow, incapable, rejected, or unwanted. I am not too weird (I’m just right on the weirdness haha). I’m not forsaken. I’m not forgotten. I’m not in charge. I don’t know best. Money isn’t success. A husband won’t complete me. I don’t need my own child to be the nurturer God has crafted me to be and desires me to be right now. There is hope, yet. There is hope. There is more to be had than I ever imagined. The past does not hold me back. The past propels my future into even farther God-glorifying territory. Truth is… I’m all set and my Father is beaming down, smiling on me, saying “that’s my girl!” He has forgiven my past, and He is proud of who I am today and excited for what’s to come.

On that note, I am moving forward. I am doing my best to thank Him not only when He gives but also when He takes away. He is a good Father and He has good gifts for me, some eternal, some temporary, and I need to be thankful for both kinds. Both are good.

Please be in prayer for me as I transition, move states, and start seminary.
Pray for patience, blind trust, and relentless waves of joy.

This is my last ‘World Race’ blog. I've written 111 blogs on this site, averaging 442 views. Highest views: 2735. Not bad! Thank you guys so much for reading, sharing, and encouraging me. Thank you for making my voice heard. I have now joined the ranks of the World Race alumni, and God has turned a new page in my life. I will always remember this beautiful year of learning, healing, loving, and growing.

You can keep following me at my personal blog and keep up with my ridiculous one-liners on Twitter @heyheyhelena.

If you have any questions or need anything, don’t hesitate to contact me.
May God faithfully bless you with every good thing.

Helena