I'm in Beijing, China, on a 14-hour layover, on my way to Thailand!
I finally got my words straight, to figure out how to say what I want to say.
I have a gift when it comes to writing, but it is tricky sometimes.
Why?
My voice is heard, and my words are powerful.
I can choose to keep silent. I can choose to not share and leave you out of everything I go through.
I can hoard my experiences, ideas, and emotions.
I could literally make this a blog strictly about ministry: what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, and tell you stories of people I encounter.
This blog could be dry.
It wouldn’t make you laugh. It wouldn’t make you think. It wouldn’t raise your blood pressure. It wouldn’t propel any anonymous comments.
It would also be extremely easy for me, because I wouldn’t have to experience what I did 2 days ago.
Taking a blog down.
I was hurt, grieving, and writing from my broken emotions. I was confused and angry.
Believe it or not, I did have people look at it before I posted it.
My editors, however, were exactly at the same place I was, so they approved.
Imagine how I felt when I found myself in a meeting with the squad leaders, having them tell me my blog was disrespectful and needed to be taken down…
I apologize to you, my many many readers. Please don’t think badly of anyone or any part of this organization. Leadership is great. AIM is great. The World Race is amazing.
Yes, team changes were radical. Now that we’re over the initial shock, we have accepted our new teams and started to see the good in this.
Starting over is exactly what the squad needed. It’s gonna bring growth. Starting over is gonna bring us one step closer to where God wants us.
My new team is great. It’s what I need right now to move into women’s ministry. I’m in an all women team now, with 5 Godly women whom God has chosen to sharpen me in my new season.
I’m focusing on living one day at a time.
I thought a lot about how short life is.
We should laugh much.
We should give much.
Most of all, we should love much.
In the end of it all, I’m confident I will have won more than I lost.
The victory is already ours.
I want to be Naomi, not Mara.
Naomi means pleasant.
Mara means bitter.
I’ve been Mara long enough.
I’ve built enough walls, and had enough expectations, and landed on my face enough to have it break me more than I thought possible. But God redeems and heals.
If I can’t walk in humility, you’ll never see Jesus in me.
If I can’t rejoice when I’m broken, you’ll never see Jesus in me.
If I can’t trust when I’m confused, you’ll never see Jesus in me.
I’m praising God for every single person He’s put in my life, knowing each one is here for a specific purpose, for a specific time, and I'm not guaranteed anything.
This is a new season, and I choose to keep using my voice, for the glory of God.
I won’t leave you out. I’ll write more than the required content.
Please have grace with me when I fail.
Please trust that my intentions are in the right place.
My writing is a gift, but it’s not inerrant.
My words are imperfect.
Sometimes they are Spirit-filled and encouraging.
Unfortunately, because I’m a sinner, sometimes my words hurt and suck.
This is when God blesses me with community.
I am thankful for the people who had the patience and love to call me up.
Pray for me, that this gift, that my voice is a voice of boldness and peace.
That I’ll have the courage to speak truth and be transparent, yet have the discernment to put no stumbling block in my ministry.
Thank you for taking the time to hear my voice.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it still make a sound?
Thank God I have my readers, who are always in the woods to hear my trees falling ever so loudly.
Timber!
