I’m supposed to write a blog about Deuteronomy…
I wanted to share how much I learned, how I got so much out of it, and I really did learn and get blown away by it. The Word of God, spoke (again) perfectly to my life.
Heck, I intended to also write a blog about Numbers, way back when.
But something else happened then, and again now….
I got wrecked.
Busted.
Broken.
Good, good, good, awesome, and then boom: I’m a mess.
I was warned this would happen. I was aware, but I can tell you I wasn’t looking forward to it. “Part of the race is brokenness” well… I didn’t think it would really happen to me. I thought I was done healing. I thought I was only going to grow. God knew better.
I know there’s gonna be growth and glory from this, but wow.
It’s a bit of a pit.
On Thursday, we wound up being invited by a lady to come get jocotes (delicious fruit) from her trees. Her name was Antonia. I told her about how we’re missionaries, and talked about the gospel. She’s a believer. I asked her if she had any prayer requests. She proceeds to share with us about a knee pain, and a hip pain. I gather up the troops and we pray for her. After we begin to disperse, she tells me about her finger. Her finger was completely crooked. She said there was an accident and her finger was literally hanging on by the skin. The bone healed crooked. I asked her if she had any feelings on the fingertip, and she said yes, and even showed me how the blood flows well through it. I told her how awesome that is, that she didn’t have nerve damage or circulatory damage. I told her she was fortunate to have a finger at all to use, which is true. She stood there a moment, looking at her hand, then concluded “Yes, but it’s ugly.”
That’s exactly what’s happened to me.
I’m fortunate there was no extra damage to my wound, that it healed, that I still have a heart to love others… but something set wrong. Something is still not set straight.
Turns out that sometimes God has to re-break in order to heal beautifully.
It’s hard to admit that I’m unready, but humility kicks in.
I’m equipped for today, and nothing more.
I’m walking through the desert. I’m not sure how much longer til God says “break camp and advance.”
We associate brokenness with weakness, and the world and Merriam-Webster both tell us that weakness is the antonym of strength.
The world twists our idea of strength. It says we are supposed to strive for this happy-go-lucky, “I-can-handle-everything, WOOOOO!!” steadiness. And this is only accomplished when we have the perfect pieces to every puzzle.
Strength and happiness, hand in hand, as career, family, romance, finances, health, attractiveness, and religious beliefs all converge into utopian bliss.
Are you kidding me?
So when it all lines up, then we are strong?
Christ offers sufficient grace in weakness (2 Cor 12:9).
In Him, we can associate brokenness and weakness with power.
He offers fullness and restoration to all the broken places, because He is a healing, compassionate God.
The Almighty King sympathizes with my weaknesses, and beckons me to approach His throne of grace with freedom and confidence.
Sometimes God walks us through hard times, but in this weakness there is much strength. In this chaos, there is order and purpose.
Clearly not my strength.
Clearly not my order or purpose.
GOD GETS UNDENIABLE, UNDILUTED GLORY!
The beauty of being in Christ is that even when I’m broken I can still truly smile.
I can still do ministry.
I can still pour into others.
I can function because there is still much to be thankful for.
God never ceases to remind me, even in my brokenness, that He is good. He is good to me! He has good for me! He is pleased with me! He is crazy in love with me!
I’ve heard it said “fake it til you make it” when hardships come, but that doesn’t apply in Christ.
There is so much freedom that I don’t have to fake anything.
I can have a hard day, and cry, and have my race family pray over me.
In this same hard day, I can have genuine moments of joy, like this one:
Weak, yet thriving in Christ's perfect power.
Broken, yet trusting God to complete what He started in me.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. – James 1:12
