WILDEST THINGS
I’ve done on the race
I’ve done on the race
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- Ate pig skin in Malaysia, by accident. I thought it was a noodle.
- Ate a tarantula leg in Cambodia.
- Ate iguana in El Salvador.
- Got a hot pink weave in Uganda.
- Saw zebras (including a baby zebra!), flamingos, and monkeys in the wild in Tanzania.
- Ran two 5ks that included disgusting eating challenges (3 donuts & 3 cups of coffee in Nicaragua//8 cookies & 1 liter of milk in Kenya)
- Ran through a Cambodian monsoon.
- Got my very first bee sting in Nicaragua. I lasted 24.9 years without being stung, and that’s impressive. Best part? I got stung in the back of a truck, going 50mph. What are the odds of that?!
- Killed my first scorpion in Nicaragua.
- Laid down on a huge tiger in Thailand.
- Rolled down a volcano in the fetal position in Nicaragua. Volcano boarding is not for the faint of heart.
- Cast out demons in Kenya, Tanzania, and India.
- Went swimming in a waterfall in El Salvador.
- Threw up into the South China Sea (boat ride from hell).
- Watched 6 of my squadmates get tattoos, and 4 of them get piercings, all while remaining Team Square: no tats, no piercings (except for my doubly-pierced earlobes!)
- Got lost at night in Nicaragua, only to be helped by adorable old ladies who were probably angels.
- Held hands with my Rwandan pastor while we walked home in complete darkness down a dirt road (it was SO funny, I can’t describe it).
- Figured out that just about anybody can have a Hungarian twin.
- Helped to draw and paint a giant mural in El Salvador.
- Sang to a baby chicken, just because. Yeah there's a video.
- Ate gizzards at a birthday party.
- Ate bone marrow? There was bone cracking and tapping and it oozed out. It was rough.
- Fell in a bathtub while trying to kill a giant spider. Succeeded in killing it, though!
- Killed the “biggest spider ever” in Tanzania, according to my teammate.
- Actually killed the biggest spider ever, the size of my palm, in Nepal. We have footage of my bravery.
- Within the first 3 days in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, I had been to the beach, the hospital, and the police station. The race is unpredictable!
- Stayed at the nicest hotel ever, with the most amazing food ever, in Doha, Qatar, included free with our flights. Walked into the room, and saw there was hot water and a bathtub, and tears welled up in my eyes from Africa culture shock. Qatar Airlines is INCREDIBLE. Racers, pray God lets you fly Qatar.
- Slept on the floor by my teammate with a stick by my side, because there was a rat in the room. I was the rat & bug killer and handyman of that team. Wild, right?
- Fixed a sink, a fan, and various plugs/switches. I’ve fixed things around the world, and I think this is wild enough to make the list lol so here it is.
- Songkran 2012 in Chiang Mai, Thailand! And I peed in the Tapai Gate moat, because I had to.
- Hitchhiked in Thailand.
- Couch-surfed in Singapore.
- Ate live, jumping shrimp in Thailand.
- Rode in a bus with a stranger lady’s butt on my shoulder for 6 hours.
- Literally cried over cheese pizza in Kenya. I hadn’t had it in 2 months, and it was so beautiful and… yeah, I cried.
- Went to a Brazilian restaurant in Nairobi…. INCREDIBLE!
- Also, in Nairobi, I went to a coffee shop and ordered Mexican food. It was awesome. It sounds crazy though, doesn’t it?
- Participated in dance parties involving mosquito nets as props.
- Impromptu dub step dance parties. With my hood on.
- Impromptu Indian music/belly dancing parties galore.
- Had 9 straight months of the wildest answered prayer: western toilets at every host home! Boom! Then again at month 11. Month 10 just had to ruin it.
- Preached a sermon wearing a canga and a tiger shirt in Tanzania. I looked awesome, trust me.
- Camped out in an airport twice, slept the whole night on the tile in the middle of the lobby in Honduras and Qatar. Oh and people took pictures of us.
- Preached in a Cambodian prison and about 15 prisoners accepted Jesus that day.
- Rescued a cat from certain death. Cat’s name was Asia. Cat lived in Africa. I had to mention this, it’s too ironic.
- Rebuked creepy men on the street in Kenya “Don’t you dare touch me! You hear me?” and I prayed for spiritual bears to come out of spiritual woods and spiritually maul anyone who touched me or my girls.
- Camped out where there once was a strip club. How did I know? Well the poles and cages were still there. Scaaaandy!
- I almost had a baby on the race. No, not like that! A lady offered me a baby in Tanzania.
- Felt like a celebrity in Malaysia, being asked if people could take pictures with me at the grocery store, at Subway, and in random places.
- Ran with Kenyans in the Rift Valley. That’s pretty epic.
- Became a Twitter celebrity. … hahaha no… I wish. Follow me at @heyheyhelena 😉
- Managed to run into both of my best gal pals in other squads. WOOT! Shout out to Emily and Amanda, holla!
- Was completely submerged in foam in the street during Songkran, and I thought ‘is it possible to drown in foam?!’ Foam machine was epic. I managed to breathe.
- Walked, ran, rode a bicycle taxi, a motorcycle taxi, a bus, a regular taxi, a songtao, a matatu, a dala-dala, a van, a truck, a tuk-tuk, a train, a boat, a metro, and an airplane… and a tuk-tuk onto a ferry!
- Laid bricks, mixed concrete, and leveled land in Malaysia, like a boss.
- Impromptu testimony, go!
- Helena, share a word, go!
- Got a foot massage from our cook in Rwanda. If you think that sounds awkward, you still have no idea how truly awkward it was.
- May or may not have declared my love to the rotee lady in Chiang Mai.
- Got super awkward, extended-hold, full-frontal embraces from a pastor’s wife, oh and she liked to kiss me on the neck. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
- Cambodian tuk-tuk balloon party of 2012. One driver, six women, many balloons, and we threw them into people’s cars and at pedestrians. Fantastic.
- Sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” solo at a karaoke in Thailand.
- Ate a dona waffle in El Salvador. Ice-cream cone with a hot donut and whip cream on top. INSANE!
- Generously fed a huge population of mosquitoes with my extra-sweet, Brazilian, tropical-flavored O positive blood.
- On that note, I’ve been on hour-long mosquito killing sprees. It was like a constructive hobby for me in Tanzania.
- I managed to purchase 3 ridiculous cat shirts in Thailand. I have worn them to ministry with a straight face, and I do randomly speak to people as if it was the cat on the shirt talking to them or introduce people to the kitty on my shirt. Why? Why not!
- Successfully hoarded swirl nutella and toilet paper for 11 solid months. It’s gold, kids.
- Acquired lice in Nicaragua, for the first time. I don’t blame them. Who wouldn’t want to live in my hair, am I right? I wish I could camp on it just once, but that’d be tricky.
- Got food poisoning several times, but here’s the wild part: I had 4 teammates with malaria in Africa and I somehow dodged it like Neo dodges bullets. Seriously a miracle! What can I say? I don’t just let any mosquito bite me, there’s an extensive screening process.
- Spoke in tongues. I have no idea, honestly, but it’s wild. God is weeeeeeird!!!
- Had a small baby gecko lost in my hair for about 15 minutes. It resurfaced on top of my head, and we set him free.
- Had a big moth fly down my shirt, so I lifted up the bottom and, as it flew out, I threw my arm up with a flourish and said “TA DA!”
- Applied to seminary :] now I’m waiting to hear back. Prayers are incredibly welcome!
- Saw Angkor Wat.
- Had a dance party in the rain in Thailand with a girls' team from A squad.
- Got lost a bunch of times.
- Swam in the Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian oceans.
- Um volcanic beach? That’s awesome.
- Went to 2 weddings. In Rwanda, we watched the bride and groom’s fathers give each other liquor and have a guy sing to the dowry cows, to ease the transition. In India, we were called up on stage and introduced to everyone. In both weddings, we were seated in the front and as honored guests.
- Rode a dinosaur in Malaysia… okay it was a carousel dinosaur, but still a dinosaur nonetheless!
- Got to ride rollercoasters in an indoor mall in Malaysia.
- Planked and jumped and took incredibly ridiculous pictures.
- Made state-wide TV in India several times, with both my testimony and a sermon. Also made the paper and prayed for some random people on the phone when they called in.
- Escaped near death in Indian traffic so many times.
- Got to rock little special needs babies to sleep… okay that wasn't WILD but it was adorable.
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I FINISHED THE RACE!!!
Thank you all for following my adventures. Thank you for reading my blogs. Thank you for supporting me and praying for me. Thank you. May the Lord bless you a thousand-fold.
Keep following me here.
The Race may be over, but a new season has begun.
1. Our team had to kill a massive spider in Nepal as well… and we have a video also… So funny!
2. I ranted about how awesome qatar airlines is in one of my blogs. and we didn’t even get to stay in a hotel.
3. Whenever I see cat shirts… including the ones I saw last week, i think of you.
Welcome Home!
1. yes. im so glad i got to see you/ HOLLA!!
2. I have been introduced to Kitty Hepburn.
3. you are legit.
4. im so glad we are best friends.
5. these are so hysterical.
6. i still dont know how you evaded malaria.
7. i think this is going on far too long.
8. but you are hilarious.
9. see you at searchlight.
10. i love you
ruth/twittertwin/manda
😜😜
You are here with us RIGHT NOW, and I sooo happy!
YOU FINISHED THE RACE!!!
Mamae